A great idea for avoiding a fight using non-combative techniques
There is a very simple technique that I use all the time to
avoid confrontations. As with many simple techniques, it is important
to have the basics down. I call it, the smile. And that’s exactly
what it is–a smile. Let me explain.
I work with a lot of teenagers, and many times fights amongst
teenagers start from some form of disrespect. Often, this disrespect
comes in the form of a stare down (a.k.a. mad-dogging, dogging). Most
of us have experienced this in one form another. This is when one
person stares at another, directly in the eyes with a mean or
aggressive expression in their face. Basically, the aggressor is
trying to get his target to look down or look away in order to–in his
mind–assert his dominance. I’m sure you know the situation to which
I’m referring. I often teach my kids about the technique I use to
avoid a fight arising from this situation.
Now, I could tell them to look the other way, but that would not
fulfill their understandable desire to not be considered weak or
inferior. My technique, helps them “win” in the situation AND avoid a
fight. Here’s how it goes:
A person is staring you down, you respond with a huge smile, a festive
laugh and greeting, and ask the person how they’re doing. Here is the
trick, you need to be sincere. You need to look like you really mean
it. The smile needs to be the same smile and greeting you would offer
a close friend whom you hadn’t seen in years.
Your body language has to be non-aggressive. In short, you need to act
in all facets to convey good will. I have tried this in my life many
times and it has ALWAYS worked. Even a person with real mal intent
will be completely confused by this reaction, which they never
expect. Of course, I imagine this wouldn’t work against psychopaths,
sociopaths etc. But if we’re talking about a regular person, who is
just out trying to show how tough he is, this’ll work.
One central precept in most martial arts involves disrupting your
opponents balance. This technique accomplishes just that. Very few
people are expecting such a reaction to naked aggression; they are not
prepared to deal with it, thus they revert to the default reaction to
such a greeting. That is to say, they respond in kind, asking how you
are doing, or exchanging some other mundane pleasantry. Here’s an
example of how off balance people get as a result of this technique. I
do a roll playing exercise with kids, where I ask one of them to be
that real tough jerk who wants to pick a fight no matter what. And I
just lean against the wall and ask them to walk past me “staring me
down.” Before asking them to do this, I tell them exactly how I’m
going to react. When they play their part, and I react with the smile,
the happy greeting, the non aggressive body language and the sincere
inquiry as to how they are doing, they get confused and just ask me
how I’m doing. Even though they knew what I was going to do, they are
still unable to respond to it aggressively!
I tell the kids, that by doing this, you come out on top. The person
generally ends up feeling ashamed of themselves for trying to pick a
fight with a person who was so kind.
Now let’s say it doesn’t work, you should still be ready to defend
yourself and smiling will give you a second or two, when your opponent
is off balance to figure out what you want to do.
I even extend my right hand to shake when doing this, that way I have
the right side of their face and lower torso completely open to
attacks from my left hand, and I’ve got a hold of their primary
defense for that side of their body–their right hand.
Give it a shot. It works every time!
Mr. Ara Arzumanian
Los Angeles, CA